My Daughter Thinks Books for Her Age Are Too “Simple.” What She Does Want to Read Is Concerning. (2024)

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column.Have a question for Care and Feeding?Submit it here.

Dear Care and Feeding,

My daughter is 12 and extremely good at reading. She can read pretty much anything, no problem, and has been able to since she was about 10 or so. She’s also fairly intelligent/grown up for her age.

Because of both of these things, the books she tends to be drawn toward are aimed at young adults, and I’m not sure they are appropriate. But she isn’t interested in books aimed at children her age as she says they’re patronizing and too simple, and she can figure out most of the plot just from reading the first couple of pages. I don’t want to put her off reading by telling her she can strictly only read books aimed at 12-year-olds, but I also don’t want to let her read books that might expose her to harmful/adult content she isn’t ready for. Any advice?

—It’s Called Young Adult for A Reason

Dear Young Adult,

Indulge me in a little storytelling, if you don’t mind. I was an avid reader as a kid (and still am today!), as was my mom. When I was a few years younger than your daughter, I was reading the Alice series by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor. My mom read the books as well—not aloud to me, but on her own and on pace with me. I asked her why, and she said it was because she was curious about what books I liked, and so that we could talk about any issues the books brought up. Well, it turns out that the Alice books are among some of the most controversial books for young people out there because they discuss things like sex, menstruation, genitalia and more. (Did my mom know that at the time? I honestly don’t know.) Though I quit the series before it got to a lot of that more advanced content, I love the fact that my mom was reading the books, too. I think a book can be a great medium for conversations around awkward subjects; it’s way easier talking about a character’s period than your own, when you’re 13.

I’ll also note that by the time I was in 5^th grade, I was reading teen horror novels by R. L. Stine and adult-aged Star Trek novels that contained their share of sex and violence. (The latter probably more PG-13 than R, but still not “kid” material.) Again, to my mom’s credit, she never told me these books were too old for me. She read some of them to monitor the content and trusted me to opt out of what I didn’t think I could handle. And while yes, I still to this day remember a gruesome death from Stein’s Fear Street Cheerleaders series and a racy-to-me sex scene from a Trek novel, I don’t think I came out worse for wear for the experiences. They were certainly no more harmful than some of the movies I saw at friends’ houses!

And that was the 1980s—the last decade of analog childhoods. Your daughter is growing up in the digital age, where more than 50 percent of surveyed kids report having seen p*rn by the time they were 13. Are reading advanced books really a huge threat? Yes, your daughter might be exposed to some mature themes, but it’s probably nothing compared to what else is at her fingertips—and honestly, in many cases it may be a whole lot better. Plus, if you follow my mom’s lead, you’ll actually be able to talk to her about the content, which could help you both establish open and frank dialogue around sex and other topics. Let her read, be aware of what she is reading, and let it foster trust and communication—precious commodities as she enters her teen years.

—Allison

More Advice From Slate

My older sister and I are very close, and I missed her terribly while she was living on the other side of the country with her kids. This past year, she was able to move within a two-hour drive from me! I was so thrilled, and we immediately began planning family outings and visits with her two sons (who are almost 7 and 5) and mine (ages 7 and 10). Now that I see my nephews regularly, I realize that they are the most misbehaved kids I have ever encountered.